Hello ctdh! Thanks for posting and welcome to the Community.
I am sorry to hear that's happening, it does sound frustrating! I'd like to help. Updating your speaker is an important first step. If the download is stopping at 8% on your MacBook Pro, can you run the updater from a different computer? I have found that occasionally my speaker updates stall as well and I have to restart the process several times before it completes. Perhaps a different computer will lead to a different outcome if you are weary of trying with the Mac. With regard to the connection, once you have successfully updated, try opening the Connect app and swiping down to connect.